Between the Darkness and the Light
by ajfankeith
Summary: A one-shot short story. Aaron receives an unexpected visitor.


Between the Darkness and the Light

-O-

_DISCLAIMER: I am not connected to Emmerdale and its characters, which belong to ITV_

-O-

His blue eyes focussed on the bedside lamp beside him. He did not know how long he had been asleep; the alarm clock was not working and it was too dark to see the face of his watch. He was groggy, the pills that the doctor had prescribed had obviously kicked in and produced the desired effect, but something had roused him. Then, in the quiet and the gloom, he saw a shadowy figure; someone had sneaked into his room. His heart was in his mouth, he reached for the switch on the lamp, but it did not respond to the press of his finger; "Oh great, a power cut!" he thought to himself.

So many thoughts raced though his mind at once; who had invaded his space? Why were they here? What did they want? His mouth was dry, he attempted to speak but, before a sound was formed, he was stopped in his tracks by Jackson's voice.

"Aaron!"

He froze. Someone was playing a cruel trick on him; that was it! What kind of sadist would want to fool him into thinking that Jackson was here? He finally mustered the courage to speak, "Who's there?"

There was an eerie silence, but he could still see the ghostly shape in the dim light of dawn. The figure approached him slowly and, somewhere between the darkness and the light, a familiar form materialised.

"Aaron, don't be frightened, it's me!"

He looked like Jackson. He sounded like Jackson. Aaron shook his head in disbelief, trying to understand why this was happening. He suddenly became annoyed, "Look, cut this out! Stop pissing about and put the light on so I can see you properly!"

"Calm yourself! I know you're confused; I've come to talk to you!"

Aaron's eyes were adjusting to the gloom now and Jackson was becoming clearer; even in the darkness.

"It is you!" Aaron let out a panicked gasp, "But how?" He put his hand out to touch his boyfriend, but it did not meet anything solid; it just moved through empty space where Jackson's stomach should be.

"Aargh!" cried Aaron as if he had hurt himself.

"I know," Jackson said softly, "You don't understand it, do you? You can't touch me, you see; I'm what you would call a ghost!"

Aaron closed his eyes and moved his hands to cover his face, "This is not happening! It's the pills; that's it! I'm hallucinating! I'm having a dream; I'll wake up in a minute!"

Aaron was afraid to open his eyes again, but he did so anyway. The vision of Jackson was still there.

"I've come to ask you something," Jackson continued.

Aaron was still in shock, but something in Jackson's soft voice was helping to settle his nerves. He played along with it, "Ask me what?"

"Why are you hurting yourself?"

Aaron looked down at the scars on his torso, "I've stopped doing it now."

"I'm not talking about cutting yourself," Jackson said, as if Aaron had missed the point, "Why are you punishing yourself?"

"Because I killed you!" Aaron's tears began to fall and he started to sob uncontrollably, "I deserve to be punished!"

"Aaron, listen to me! I wanted to die; I couldn't do it for myself, so you helped me. I wanted to be set free and I also wanted to set you free. I don't want you to keep beating yourself up!"

Jackson's words were not getting through to Aaron, "But I should have talked you out of it! If you had given it more time, maybe you could have come to terms with things; had a decent life!"

"A decent life?" Jackson said, sarcastically, "I couldn't cope with it! Imagine going from a fit, healthy young man to someone who has to be washed, fed and changed, like a baby, for the rest of his life. That's not a decent life; not for me; and it wouldn't have been for you either."

"But, I miss ya! I wish you were still here!" Aaron said, between sobs.

"But, if I'd still been alive, think of the life we would have had! You, having to be my carer every minute of every day; and me resenting the fact that you wouldn't help me to end it! I'd have hated it if you had let me down like that; and you'd have hated me because you'd have been chained to me and I'd have been giving you a hard time."

"But I couldn't have hated you! I loved you! I still love you!" Aaron wailed.

"I know," Jackson's words began to soothe Aaron; "I love you too. But, don't you see, I wouldn't have still loved you if you had denied me what I wanted most in the world. I'm free now; and I want you to be free too. I want you to move on; find somebody new. Let someone else see the Aaron that I love; you can make them as happy as you made me."

"But I don't want anybody else," Aaron was not convinced, "You were the only one for me."

"But, I have gone to a better place; I'm at peace now. I still feel your love, but I also feel your anguish. You can't spend your life pining for me, or blaming yourself for what happened to me. Let me go; and always believe you did the right thing."

Jackson's image started to fade as the light began to seep though the curtains.

"Jackson! Don't go!"

"I'm always here; you can always talk to me!"

"How?" Aaron looked confused.

"You do it all the time; when you come to my grave. Even if you don't speak; I can hear your thoughts."

Aaron could not tell how long he stared at the spot where the image of Jackson had manifested itself. The light was streaming into the room now and he somehow knew that Jackson would not return. But, maybe the next night, between the darkness and the light, he would come again; to soothe Aaron's pain.


End file.
